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Coming to terms with a diagnosis
The fact that your child has autism has nothing to do with the way that you have been looking after them. The causes of autism are as yet unknown, but we do know that autism is not caused by parenting. Parents of autistic children are just like everyone else. Autism affects children from all walks of life and in all countries and cultures.
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You're not alone
Many other parents are going through what you’re going through and there are many who are further on their journey. Research suggests that roughly one in every hundred children is affected by autism in the UK, and there is some suggestion that the rate might be higher than that.
The way in which a diagnosis has been made will vary from one person to another. For some, it will have been a relatively straightforward process, but for others it may have taken months or years.
For some parents, their child receiving a diagnosis is a shock as they may not have realised that their child has autism. For others, there may be feelings of relief following a long time of knowing that there was something different about their child.
There is no right or wrong way to feel about your child being diagnosed with autism. Parents may experience a variety of emotions, and they can change on a daily basis. It is quite normal to experience feelings such as:
- sadness
- anger
- guilt
- worry
- denial
- frustration
- acknowledged and validated
- pleased or hopeful
Some families may go through a process that starts with shock and an inability to do anything, and then moves through anger to some sort of acceptance. But parents of autistic children emphasise that it helps when you reach a point at which you can begin to accept the situation.
Some families feel a huge sense of relief that the differences experienced by their child are recognised by professionals and that there is a reason and a name for them.
Family members may take different amounts of time to come to terms with the diagnosis. Some may have varied levels of understanding around autism. Talking about worries and encouraging family members to read about autism can help them understand better.
Your child is still the same child they were before they received their diagnosis; they have not changed. The only change is that now you have a diagnosis, and you will be better able to understand your child and their needs.
Dealing with stress
Parents of autistic children can experience higher levels of stress than other parents. Having an autistic child can be challenging due to their needs or behaviours. This can cause tension for individuals and also tension within relationships in the family. Disagreements about the way to manage behaviours or the way to move forward can occur. Parenting an autistic child puts an understandable strain on couple's relationship. It can be very difficult to find time as a couple to do the things you enjoy together.
To last the long haul, parents need to balance their own needs along with those of their child. Don’t feel guilty about spending time on your own needs, as this will ultimately benefit your child and family.
Top tips following a diagnosis
- Remember you are a very important person in your child’s life and you have needs too. Look after yourself and try to manage stress as best you can.
- Talk to someone you trust and feel comfortable with about how you are feeling.
- Don’t forget that extended family can be affected too and may need help and support.
- When you feel ready, consider contacting or joining a support group.
- Write down any questions you may have so that you can take them with you to future appointments.
- Find out as much as you can about autism. There are some books, websites and other resources recommended in this guide.
- Just remember, you are not alone.
